Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
