doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
