My Higher Power is John Stamos
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
