First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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