So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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