Plan B is the new Plan A
and i looked up. we had an audience...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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