searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
