I want to walk on stilts...naked
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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