I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Randomize
