Dude my mom stole all your condoms
its not stalking. its research.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
