You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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