I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
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