I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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