There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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