Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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