I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
