I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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