Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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