i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
