also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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