i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
