If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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