I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
