Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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