Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I'm really busy with my period
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