You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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