as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize