so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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