I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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