have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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