dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
