I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
