My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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