just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
