honey bunches of taint.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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