oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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