I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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