Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
