He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
