I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Randomize
