Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
