Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
