member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My vagina is officially offended.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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