Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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