I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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