He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just googled if crying burns calories
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
