I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
