Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
