: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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