just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
