giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Randomize
