she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
