She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
