I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
