I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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