Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
