pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
