oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
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