I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
