He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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