we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
