Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
