The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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